Writing Ability

In terms of my writing abilities, my skills have changed drastically over the past four years. I always have my mother look over my papers before I submit them and this year there hasn't been nearly as much for her to comment on. I may not have done well on my essays in AP English last year, but I was able to take critique and improve. This year, my average essay score has been a 7, a number that I have never come close to obtaining on any AP essay in high school. I'd like to think that part of the reason for the change is better writing ability on my part, but I also think that I genuinely enjoy reading my outside reading and independent reading books and coming to conclusions on a topic after reading. I feel accomplished every time I find a point that was never explicitly stated. Reading is one thing I've always been good at, even in elementary school. I think reading and writing are closely related even if I love reading, and absolutely hate writing. As my reading level has increased so has my writing ability. I've appreciated the literature that we have been assigned to read over the course of the year, and reading these novels has taught me which areas of writing I need to improve.

Time Flies

It doesn't seem real that the school year is almost over and all of the seniors are about to graduate. Time flew by over the past four years of high school just like it did in elementary and middle school. I remember being in sixth grade and thinking that I was half way through my public school education. Now, I'm at the end of my time in high school, but I'm more than ready to leave. I've enjoyed my time in Lexington, but I don't think there is much left for me here. The past couple of months all I've been able to think about is Memphis. I'm going to be living in a big city where I won't know anyone and I couldn't be any more excited than I am. When you've been surrounded by the same people for fours year or longer, you kind of lose the ability to change because people have already placed you in your own little box where you're expected to stay. I went to work at a camp this summer and everyone thought I was hilarious and outgoing, two words that my classmates would never use to describe me. I'm hoping that Memphis gives me the opportunity to be myself and expand my horizons. At the beginning of high school I was so thankful that I had four years to figure out where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do in college. I'm still not entirely sure what I'm going to end up majoring in or what career path I will choose, but at least I know where I can call home for at least four more years.

Topic of Interest Book

I just started reading my final book for my topic of interest. I know it may seem like I'm starting on it really late, but I've found that once I pick up a book I can't put it down until I'm done with it. If I start too early, I'm done a month before the book is due and I tend to forget the small details that would benefit my essays the most. Last semester, there was one book I read before the deadline was even set for our independent reading essay and I ended up coming into school one day and being told that I had to write an essay. I had completely blanked on the day it was due and hadn't worried about it because I had been finished with my book for such a long time. The last book for my topic of interest, I read the weekend before the essay and it was probably the worst essay I wrote all year, not because of the time constraint I put on myself, but because the book didn't offer as much information about my topic that I thought it would. I'm actually a lit bit nervous about finishing my current book because it's almost 1000 pages, but I know I'm going to get it done because not getting it done is not an option. I'm decent at coming to conclusions based on what I've read, but if I didn't finish the whole book it would feel like telling a lie because I would know that I hadn't gathered all the information possible. Anyways, I'm really excited to get into the book. I'm happy I chose gangsters as my topic of interest because I find their lives fascinating and completely unlike my own.

Eight Questions

Some of these questions are really dumb, but somehow Blogger sent me to another ladies blog instead of my own and this was the first post that she had at the top of the screen. I figure it's the end of the year and most people have no idea how I would answer these questions, because I haven't even thought about them myself. I think it's okay to have one blog that wasn't a blog suggestion or something about our poem unit. 

1. If you could have an unlimited shoe budget or purse budget which one would you pick?

I never carry a purse, and I'm obsessed with shoes so I would have to go with an unlimited shoe budget. If it was possible I would fill my entire closet with shoes instead of just a small wall of cubbies that is already overflowing onto the floor. It is going to be a miracle for me to choose which shoes to take to college and which ones to leave at home because I wear them all so often. 

2. If you could change lives with one person for a day who would it be?
If I could be anyone for a day it would be Julianne Hough. Ever since I saw Safe Haven, she has been my favorite actress. I know absolutely nothing about her and I haven't seen any other movies with her as part of the cast, but I love her hair. Someone told me I could never in a million years pull it off, but if I was Julianne Hough then I would definitely by pulling off the short, messy hair look. 

3. What is the one place you haven't been that you want to visit before you die?

I would love to travel to Italy before I die. When my dad was in college he was able to travel to Venice with some of his buddies because his best friend is actually from Italy and his parents still have a house there. I want an Italian meal around the table with an Italian family so that I can have the full experience. From what I know, family is very important and dinner is a time when everyone comes together to have a large meal. It is entirely possible that that is a stereotype, but I sincerely hope not, because it is one of my dreams. 

4. What is your most unrealistic fear?

My unrealistic fear is no longer a fear because my brother is now bigger than I am, but I was always scared he would get kidnapped whenever we stopped at a rest area or a gas station on vacation. I am one of the most protective sisters and I would probably go crazy if I ever had kids of my own because the fear would return and my children would hate me. 

5. If you could compete in one Olympic sport, which one would you pick?

I would love to compete in swimming and do well. My mother and father were swimmers when they were younger and my brother is now swimming, therefore, I am the only one who has not been a swimmer and never will be. When I was younger I had so many ear infections that I had to go to speech therapy for a couple of years to learn how to speak because I wasn't able to understand sounds. I had tubes put in twice and eventually, my eardrum developed a hole. After many surgeries, I was left part deaf and unable to swim at large depths or do flips. The pain I experienced every time I played in the pool with my friends was unbearable, turning me away from the sport of swimming. If by some miracle I was able to swim and swim well, I would want to compete in the Olympics.

6. What was the last book you read and did you like it?
The last book I read was Elizabeth Street by Laurie Fabiano for our independent reading. It was a 400 page book that I read in the weekend before it was due. I loved the book, but it didn't have a lot of the information I was looking for on gangsters, posing a problem when I sat down to write my essay and realized that I hadn't completely answered my question. 

7. What song best describes how you are feeling this moment?
I can't think of any song to describe how I'm feeling, but I am listening to "Cruise" by Florida Georgia Line. They played the song at Young Life club on Monday and afterwards one of our leaders gave a talk that has to do with Travis Gaines. The next day, Florida Georgia Line tweeted Travis. It was awesome. 

8. Who is your role model?
My grandfather was my role model. I looked up to him and continue to admire his positive attitude after being diagnosed with lung cancer. While I was volunteering at a Young Life camp this past summer I received a letter from him telling me how proud he was of my accomplishments and he also shared with me that he was going off of chemotherapy after praying about the right path for him to take. He told me that he had been very sick due to the chemo and was sleeping for most of the day every day. He explained that it just wasn't living. That is probably my favorite thing that he ever said to me. He knew he was going to die, but he lived each day like the man in "The Loveliest Trees." He continued to be part of the KIAC basketball community because that is what he loved to do and I think I made more memories in that year than I had in the previous seventeen. He wasted no time. 

Bullying

I don't think bullying in any form should be taken lightly. There shouldn't be a set definition of the word because it doesn't matter what one person believes it should mean. In the time that someone sits down to decide what "bullying" should encompass, there are children that are being hurt either physically or emotionally. It seems that adults are the people worked up about the issue, even though children are the victims. Why should someone, who is merely an observer, be allowed to decide the difference between teenage drama and bullying? I believe that the two are equivalent to one another. If someone is constantly involved in conflict with their peers, they are slowly beaten down until they have no fight left in them. If someone wants to actually address the issue, they should stop bullying at the source by providing positive interactions between students. There was a show on TV a couple of years ago that brought a group of people into schools with major conflicts between students, and made them all sit through a day of group discussions and activities that allowed them to get to know one another. The students learned about the backgrounds of peers that they may never have had contact with before, allowing each person to understand that before choosing to make a rude comment or to push someone aside in the hall, they should think about how that person may be affected. It is easy to hate someone when you don't know them, but it is impossible to have any negative feelings towards a person when you begin to realize why they are the way they are. Why are adults so worried about defining bullying when they could be doing something about the conflicts?

Reading

Although I don't get the opportunity to read as much as I would like, reading is one of my favorite outlets when I'm having a bad day. I might say I have outgrown the teenage love stories, but occasionally I slip back into reading them to help cheer me up. Sometimes, after you've watched a good movie with a happy ending, you have a feeling of elation surge through you. In my case, I lose sense of reality for a little while. I know what is real and what is not, but I begin to think that certain parts of the movie are part of my own life, or perhaps a better way to put it is I imagine some aspects of my life and that of the character’s life are shared. I get the same feeling when I read a teenage love story. Some people may find the stories depressing to read because when they finish they wish their lives could be the same as the fantasy lives that the author created, but I live through the characters and find satisfaction in their happiness. It is more relaxing to sit down and read a novel than it is to watch a movie, because you have the ability to imagine the characters’ appearances. Each person reading the novel will make different interpretations, while in a movie the same freedom isn’t available. While the feeling I get from watching a movie and reading a novel are the same, I prefer reading the novel because of the chance to use my imagination.

Spelling

Proper spelling is essential in life. It should be a complete embarrassment to any high schooler or adult that cannot spell. In elementary school, I missed two words throughout my five years and even when I missed those words I was ashamed and crumpled up the paper to throw it in the garbage. Maybe I was just a perfectionist, but looking back, it amazes me that students were okay with missing words week after week. The best solution to this problem would be to test the words again on the kids who weren't successful the first time through. The only issue I could see with that is time, but if a teacher refuses to try to help their children learn then they aren't very good teachers. During senior seminar the other day, we had a discussion about the current way that public schools are being run. When students miss words on a spelling test it isn't likely that anyone is going to hold them accountable for knowing those words in the future, resulting in a problem later in their educational career and even into their jobs after. This is true for any subject. In math, the students that get 95% on their tests are still missing 5% of what they have learned and this continues to build to the point where they may struggle later in higher math courses. Spelling, along with any other material should be mastered by the students before the teacher continues on to a new spelling list or subject matter.

Lying

This past month I was in a scholarship interview and I was asked if it is ever okay to lie. Out of all the questions I have been asked over the past few weeks, this one stands out the most. Is it ever okay to lie? Society as a whole would have to say yes based on their actions. Everyone has told a lie at some point in their life and they would be lying if they said they hadn't. It may not be right to lie to someone, but I think it may be beneficial to that person and to yourself if you do avoid the truth. No one wants to hear that they look fat in a dress or that they have gotten a tad overweight. There are certain people that can tell them that information kindly, but it is more than likely that you aren't going to be that person. Last year, I was given the opportunity to watch "The Invention of Lying" for English, a movie where everyone told the truth until one day a man managed to tell a lie. Before this lie it seemed that society was chaotic and it's a miracle they functioned because wouldn't it be awful if you were in a relationship with someone and they constantly told you what they thought of you? I don't understand how anyone was even able to reproduce to bring more truth-telling people into the world. Lying is almost a necessity for survival. To get anywhere in life you have to tell a couple of lies here and there.

Open Letters

Honestly, all of the open letters that I read on McSweeney's really disturbed me. I'm not sure if that's because of the subject matter or it is simply the idea of writing to someone who is never going to read your letter that bothers me so much. I prefer to speak rather than write when it comes to getting my ideas across to someone or something that is never going to respond. I know that talking to oneself may be seen as crazy, but if that's the case then call me crazy. I have no urge to talk to inanimate objects, celebrities, or mass groups of people, and if I know someone then I can go directly to them to talk. The only time I can imagine writing a letter is if I want to say something to the deceased, but even then I would just want to talk to them like they were standing in front of me. Is it not a tad bothersome to think that there could be a letter out there written to you? A letter that so many people have been given the opportunity to read except for yourself? The thought of not knowing is irksome.

I would like to say that I didn't write my blog against open letters just so that I could be different. They legitimately freak me out.

Stress

Lately, my stress level has gone down a bit from the beginning of the school year.  Knowing that I've been accepted to every school I applied to and that I'll be receiving scholarships to each of them is a relief. For most students, school work is less important than the ACT or SAT that decide standings among colleges, but for me, school work comes first. I have never once studied for an AP exam or the ACT, and while I may have done better if I had, I am very proud of my scores. To me, the ACT was only a burden because it meant waking up on a Saturday morning, but when I sat down to take the test I was excited. I love taking tests, especially the ACT because I know I have all the skill sets necessary to do well. I've been in an accelerated program during high school for the math and sciences, and ironically those are subjects that I have had the lowest scores in. English and reading are my strong points. I think the difference in stress level is based on how much pressure your parents and teachers place on you to do well, along with how much pressure you put on yourself. I didn't do as well in math and science because I've been required to take specific classes in the two subject areas, while I've been able to choose between advanced, AP, and dual credit courses in social studies and English. AP US History and AP Senior English have been my favorite classes while at Dunbar because they are two that I got to choose for myself. My parents have been very hands off of my schooling since middle school, allowing me to manage my own time because they know that I have a desire to do well and I don't need the extra push. When I receive the occasional low grade on a test, they tell me to just study harder next time. I feel like I place more pressure on myself than my parents do, even though I do know they want me to do well. In conclusion, I believe that as long as you go into a standardized test and plan on doing your best then you will do well. The problem comes when you set a specific goal and are worried about not reaching that goal.

Letters

This summer I spent one month volunteering at a Young Life camp in Minnesota. For the campers, all electronic devices were taken away for the week that they were at camp, to avoid distractions and to provide them with an opportunity to focus more on one another. The only form of communication that they had with their parents was through letters and many of the people volunteering at the camp chose to communicate with their friends and family in the same way. I received more letters in one month than I have in my entire life, but I have only written one letter. My grandfather sent me a letter while I was away, explaining that he had made the decision to go off of his chemotherapy so that he could enjoy the remainder of his life without constantly sleeping and being sick. He wrote about his faith throughout his battle with cancer and about how proud he was of the work I was doing. His letter gave him the chance to tell me something that he may not have been able to say in person. After reading his letter I spent two hours of my free time crafting my own. Everything that I had felt from the time I found out about his diagnosis to reading his letter, I wrote down, finally coming to terms with his illness. Such a large topic doesn't seem fit for a text or email. What you can't say in person, you should be able to write in a letter. Feelings seem to flow much more freely on paper than they do on a computer screen.

Beloved

I found the newspaper article that we read during class on Tuesday to be very interesting. As I've started to read Beloved I've tried to piece together who is who in the newspaper article and the novel. I believe that Sethe killed the baby that haunts her home and that Denver was the newly born infant in the newspaper clipping. The novel is confusing with the non-linear plot, but I've caught on to the gist of the novel. My question during class was how Sethe was found by the schoolteacher and how she ended up getting her children back to Baby Shugg's home. Somehow, she managed to avoid going back to the plantation, but ended up in jail. The only explanation I can think of for this is that Sethe killed the schoolteacher, because even if she had mouthed off to him, she would have been whipped and sent back to the plantation. Also, I want to know where Halle plays into all of this. Is he dead or did he just leave Sethe? Could he have left her because of the incident that sent her to jail? If he did leave, then I think he is a coward just like her two sons. There is almost nothing positive about any man in the novel, except for Paul D, but even he scared away the ghost that kept Denver company.

Billy Bathgate

I'm not entirely sure what our essay is on tomorrow, but I wanted to summarize the basic conclusions I have reached about my novel, Billy Bathgate by E.L. Doctorow.

1. Often, people choose to join gangs not only to better themselves socially and financially, but also to provide themselves with a sense of family that they might not have otherwise.

2. Once in a gang, the safest place to be is often near the leader so that there is a sense of safety in knowing the conversations taking place and the plans being executed.

3. Sometimes, a romantic relationship is the factor that will damage the loyalty of a gang member to his or her leader.

4. It is often important to maintain an open relationship with other gang members, keeping no secrets that may be found out, damaging credibility.

5. A mentor for a new member is never clearly stated, but often an older gang member will take a younger member under their wing and teach them enough to get by on their own.

Billy Bathgate is a novel that I would recommend to others interested in relationships between gang members and the inner-workings of a gang. It was interesting to see Bathgate's transformation from an innocent, poor boy to a smart, manipulative man.

The Road

It is rare for me to come across a book that I don't enjoy, but The Road was one of those books that I just couldn't get into. I felt that the entire plot was too convenient. The man and the boy continued to escape death by a hair and it can be assumed that the pattern was the same for the ten years prior to the beginning on the novel. How is it possible that right when they are about to starve to death they find an underground bunker filled with food? I can understand if the author wanted to include one lucky experience, but then at the end the veteran shows up right when the boy walks out into the road. It seems that the veteran and his group had been following the man and son for a while, but how did they manage to survive and keep track of two people? The meeting between the boy and the veteran grinds my gears. It was the one part of the book where I was happy for the little boy, but then someone had to tell me that it is quite possible that the veteran isn't one of the good guys. I could have gone the rest of my life thinking that the boy was taken in by a kind group of refugees, but for all I know he could be eaten.

Inquiry Project

I started reading my first novel for the inquiry project over my Christmas break and I realized that there are a lot of different aspects I didn't consider in regards to relationships within a gang. First of all, my mind just assumed that everyone is born into a gang, which I know is not true in most cases. Billy Bathgate, the young boy in my first novel, had no intention of ever being a part of Dutch Schultz's gang until the infamous gangster gave him ten dollars for his juggling talent. It was then that Bathgate decided that he wanted to integrate himself into the gang to improve his social standing. Money was his driving factor, but he soon realized that he would constantly have to watch his back and couldn't trust anyone, especially Schultz. Once in the gang, always in the gang. This is another component I didn't consider when I first started reading. Not all members are always going to be happy with the leadership of the gang, posing the question of how to ever remove oneself. It was made very clear at the beginning of the novel that if you cross the path of the leader or don't comply, the consequence is a long and painful death. Everything revolves around the leader and most gang members act in fear of this central figure, never speaking negatively of his character. Also, the leader is a male every time, because men are viewed as the dominant gender. I'm looking forward to examining the gang member relationships in my next two novels, set in different time periods and cultures.