AP English First Semester

This school year in English, I have seen an improvement in my essay writing. Last year, I struggled with writing essays in AP English, but so far I have been proud of my scores. It is possible that my writing has improved because I'm writing about literature rather than focusing on the composition aspect of writing. My analysis of literature has substantially improved since our short story unit. Before, I would read a story for fun and I wouldn't focus any energy on breaking apart the story and coming to conclusions about the author's intent in their writing. I wasn't aware that there was a difference between commercial fiction and literary fiction, a major distinction I can now recognize.

One part I didn't like about this semester was the drama unit. I have never really enjoyed reading plays unless they were fully explained to me along the way. Freshman year we read Romeo and Juliet, which wasn't as bad as Oedipus Rex or Hamlet because I always volunteered to be Juliet and I felt useful during our reading. Oedipus Rex, and especially Hamlet weren't pieces of literature that I enjoyed or would recommend that someone read in their spare time. Every time I read Hamlet I wanted to fall asleep because I couldn't understand what was going on, which made reading the play difficult.

Next semester, I hope that we continue on with the vocabulary because it is one of my favorite parts of English and I love memorizing. Also, I want to continue improving my writing. 

The Rover

During The Rover, it was very hard for me to keep track of what was going on between characters. It reminded me of how I feel when reading Shakespeare plays. I always have a general idea of the plot by watching or reading intently, but I lack a knowledge of the details that typically come with reading the English language. Reading and hearing Old English is like reading or hearing a completely different language. Spanish and German are the equivalents of Old English. I can't imagine having to memorize the lines of the play or to place myself in the shoes of one of the characters by dressing and presenting myself in a similar manner to how they would have acted in those days. I don't think that teaching Shakespeare or presenting plays such as The Rover is completely necessary. We no longer live in that age and no one speaks as they did back then. Every well-known play that was written during that time has been adapted to a modern version. Why do we need to learn the older versions? I would be just as happy knowing that there is a previous version and I would respect that someone had written the play in such a complex language, but I have never found enjoyment in reading the plays. I love English and it is my favorite subject, but I absolutely hate the drama unit. I really would like to know why we teach Shakespeare. I'm not trying to be rude, but why is it needed?

Hamlet

Shakespeare's characters tend to bother me almost every time I read one of his plays. Hamlet was not an exception to this annoyance. First of all, I don't understand why he couldn't just believe his father's ghost and kill Claudius. Not only does the ghosts story make sense, but Hamlet was already opposed to the marriage between Claudius and Gertrude. He had an easy way to end the marriage and most likely take the thrown, which he should have been given in the first place. Second, he seemed to be leading on Ophelia the entire time. He was rude to her one minute and then jumping in her grave the next. He probably just had a desire to be over dramatic and didn't actually care for Ophelia during her life. Also, he could have realized that he made a mistake in not pursuing Ophelia and he was upset he wouldn't ever be given that chance. After Laertes and Hamlet got into a small fight in the graveyard, Claudius bet on Hamlet in a duel against Laertes. Is that not a red flag at all? Hamlet knew that Claudius tried to have him murdered in England and that Laertes was upset over his father and sister's deaths. He was walking into a death trap from the beginning. Hamlet was a coward who lacked both ambition and common sense. He couldn't kill Claudius, he couldn't love Ophelia properly, and he didn't realize that he would most likely die if he went into a duel against Laertes. Horatio is the only person in the entire play that actually liked Hamlet and trusted him. Even his own mother doubted Hamlet and believed that he was insane. I don't know if he was insane or if he faked it, but I do know that if it was fake then it was very convincing.

Reading at a Young Age

When I was younger I read books constantly. I wasn't allowed to watch television during the weekdays because my parents didn't want me to get into the habit of watching television every day as a teenager and adult. Watching television was a privilege, not a necessity or a time that I believed I should constantly be given. Books were my form of television and in my mind they told a story better than any TV show or movie could. I was given the opportunity to imagine the characters and setting in any way that I desired and I wasn't confined to a movie's interpretation. In elementary school, I excelled in spelling, missing only two words during my time at the school.  Spelling was something I genuinely enjoyed because it gave me a sense of accomplishment and I was always proud of myself. In middle school, I did well on all vocabulary tests, rarely missing the spelling and definitions of the words. High school is the same story. I believe that I owe my parents a thank you for limiting my time on the television and giving me the choice of what to do with the spare time that I was given after homework. They never forced me to read, but they did give me praise when I would figure out a word by sounding it out or when I would complete a short story. After they got me past the first steps of learning to read, I chose to continue reading for fun. It has never been something I disliked or whined over when a teacher would assign a new book to read. Honestly, reading in school is a treat for me because I get to take time out of my busy day to sit down and read a couple of chapters. I might not enjoy all books, but I do enjoy the peaceful time that they bring. 

Beautiful Words

A beautiful word isn't necessarily a word that sounds appealing to the ears, or floats delicately off the tongue. It is a word that evokes a memory from the past or even a dream for the future. It is because of this that not everyone has the same set of beautiful words stored up in their head, instead, each individual is unique in their opinion. It is possible for every word in the English language to be beautiful.

Here is my list:
1. baseball
2. peanuts
3. boating
4. camel
5. Halloween
6. fuzz
7. Castaway
8. red
9. cow

When I was younger some of my favorite memories were outside with my neighbors playing catch or going to the Legends' games with my family. I had a dream of catching one of the game balls, but I'm sure that if it had gotten anywhere near me I would have ducked to the ground due to my lack of catching skills. It was the one sport that I wasn't very good at and that completely frustrated me at the time. However, I've learned a little more patience and one of my friends has started teaching me again. To me, baseball is a beautiful word because it brings back memories of my neighbors when we were all together.

During senior seminar one morning someone asked me to stand up and give one of my dreams. I easily answered with "Before I die I want to ride a camel." It may seem like a simple dream that would be just as simple to achieve, but somehow I always miss the camel rides during the fall for one reason or another. It remains on my high school bucket list to this day.

Fuzz. Not only is it fun to say, but it represents my entire childhood. When I was little I ate my teddy bear. I tore a huge hole in the foot and took out every bit of fuzz that was inside that poor, once fat bear. It was a slow process that eventually led to me demolishing a couple of pillows also. Eventually, I just skipped the destruction and got a bag of fuzz that I could steal from every once in a while. I have no idea what compelled me to take the fuzz, but I did, and I slept with it every night and honestly, I take it out every now and again for good luck on a test. All of my friends know about the fuzz and I'm sure every single one of them has seen it in my possession at one point or another. It is a serious obsession.

Oedipus #2

Oedipus thinks of no one but himself throughout the entire play. How can one person seem so caring and thoughtful and then turn out to be a complete lunatic? No one in their right mind would make the decisions that Oedipus made throughout each scene. First of all, why in the world would you kill a group of people just because they wanted you to get off the road? They needed to get past and a group of people should come before an individual, especially such a selfish, self-centered human being. He only expresses concern for the city's plague because he wants to look like a good king, but in reality he doesn't really care as long as everyone likes him and he is "popular." He has children and a wife that he should have considered throughout the play, however, he chose to do things that would only bring attention to himself. His wife hangs herself and he has to revert the attention back to himself by gouging his own eyes out and then begging for mercy on behalf of his children. That is the only seemingly kind-hearted gesture he gave the entire time I was reading. In reality, it isn't even all that nice because what would have been the logical course of actions was to leave Thebes, become kind of Corinth in place of his adopted father, and remain loyal to both his wife and children. In that situation he would maintain his nobility while also keeping his eyes.

I know this was just a rant, but Oedipus makes me quite angry. The end.

Oedipus

1. Why do you think it is that the oracles choose to only release partial information when asked a direct question? This occurs when Kreon goes to the oracle to find out how to end the city's plague (1221) and when Teiresias is asked to reveal the murderer (1227).

2. If Teiresias knows all truth then why didn't he answer the Sphinx's riddle rather than wait while the citizens of Thebes died?

These are two of my questions from the first reading of Oedipus and I don't think I ever had them fully answered in the way I would have liked. In my group the main conclusion was that the oracles wanted to limit the information they released in order to prevent him from changing the course of events that were part of his fate. I don't feel that this reason is accurate because at the beginning of the novel the oracle revealed that the son of the king and queen would murder his father and sleep with his mother. This caused the couple to pin the ankles of their newborn and to send him out into the countryside to die. They were making an effort to change this prediction, but were unsuccessful. Why didn't the oracle tell them that they would make this attempt and fail? It was fate that Oedipus met his father on the road to Thebes and committed murder. It was fate that he solved the riddle of the Sphyinx and became the king. I don't believe that they were ever given choice in any matters of their life. Every move they made was part of the gods' plan for them. So why didn't the oracles just tell them everything? It was selfish on their part not to and I think the only reason they didn't disclose all information is because with full information given to all characters, the play would be pointless.

Thesis Statements

         I believe that thesis statements are the hardest part of any essay. I'm not good at introducing a topic and then summarizing the entire essay in one sentence. It scares me knowing that this sentence is the basis of my entire paper and the idea that I must support throughout each paragraph. This sentence helps structure the rest of the essay, giving the reader an idea of what argument is going to be answered and how each paragraph will be structured. When there is more than one idea in the thesis then it is safe to assume that I’ll be dividing the paragraphs by each idea.

         If I'm given a prompt then I don't want to copy it completely for my thesis, but at the same time I want my thesis to relate back to the question being asked. It is so important to be original, especially on the AP test where everyone is given the same prompts to answer. If the reader reads a thesis that is relatively the same multiples times then they are probably going to be bored once they reach your essay. However, figuring out a balance between copying and being off topic is hard for me to do most of the time. If my thesis ends up being off topic then my entire essay is ruined and won't address any part of the prompt. So much rides on one small grouping of words. 

I found this link helpful in explaining how thesis statements should be written:

http://www.indiana.edu/~wts/pamphlets/thesis_statement.shtml 

The Bonesetter's Daughter

This past weekend I started reading my second outside reading book, The Bonesetter's Daughter by Amy Tan. Ruth's mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease in the book, the same disease I have been studying in my research lab at the University of Kentucky. I have only seen the research component of the disease, never the effect that it has on families that have a relative suffering from Alzheimer's. I value the memories I possess and the people that are part of my life. I can't imagine what it would be like to gradually forget these things. Ruth's mother makes the decision to record her previous life, long before the disease wipes her memory, creating a blank page in her brain. Her story outlines how she became the mother and sister that she currently is to Ruth and Gaoling. It goes back to her origin as a baby, born out of wedlock after her father is killed on the wedding day of her parents. Her father’s family takes the mother and child in to their home after Ruth’s mother agrees to allow the oldest sister in the family to claim Ruth as their own. The families in China at the time seem to care just as much about their perceived appearance as families today in the United States. A lot of people find their worth in money, while in China they find their identity in their family pride. In the United States it has become acceptable to have a child with a man that isn’t your husband. In fact, there are many teenage pregnancies and the media has sought to glamorize this situation, but in China it is an embarrassment. It is interesting to see the differences in culture while reading the book.

Existentialism and Selfishness

Existentialism (noun): a modern philosophical movement stressing the importance of personal experience and responsibility and the demands that they make on the individual, who is seen as a free agent in a deterministic and seemingly meaningless universe.

Existentialism isn't a topic that I enjoy discussing in class. I agree with parts of both essentialism and existentialism, but I don't believe that either should be able to stand alone as a school of thought. God put us on this Earth with the freedom to make our own choices, along with the freedom of whether or not to agree with and follow Him. He knows exactly what I will do with these choices and already knows my story even if I don't myself. It is because of my faith that I completely disagree that all human beings are selfish in their actions. The camp I mentioned in class was a Young Life camp, a non-denominational Christian organization that I have been a part of since my eighth grade year of middle school. I have absolutely no idea what compelled me to apply for a position on Work Crew, but I did. I spent one month away from my friends and family, folding the same sheets, towels, and table linens every day for approximately 8 hours. There were days when I would break down crying because I hated my job more than anything, but I continued on because I had made a commitment and I wanted to make the camp experience enjoyable for all of the campers. How can you tell me I'm selfish in making myself miserable while working for others with no pay? Also, I was part of a medical mission trip to Ecuador this summer where I had no contact with anyone within the United States for ten days. My mom signed me up for this trip and I was given the task of helping in the pharmacy by filling and translating prescriptions. I couldn't flush anything down the toilets, I took ice cold showers daily, and I dealt with the awful smell that surrounded me all hours of the day. Yes, I am selfish a lot of the time, but that doesn't mean all of my actions are selfish. I didn't do either of the activities this summer to benefit myself. I did them so that someone else could benefit. 

Short Stories

So far all of the short stories we have read for class have been dark and depressing. I don’t feel that literary fiction is often lighthearted or cheerful because the human condition isn’t bright. Often time people can look at a situation and think of the negative aspects rather than the positive because there are few completely optimistic people in a world full of hatred and anger. Naturally, a person will be selfish if it means that they can advance themselves in society and satisfy their personal desires rather than considering their peers. There is so much that can be said about human nature and almost every point that an author wishes to make on the subject could be written in gloomy manner. Society isn’t on the right track where it currently stands and it will never get there. There are too many people with no morals and even those with morals aren’t perfect and fall under the temptation to lie or take advantage of others. There will always be fighting between groups of people because not everyone sees eye to eye. There will always be rape and war and hate crimes because there will always be people that do what they want, when they want, and to who they want. There is almost nothing good that can be said about human nature in general and I feel that the authors we have read so far have done a skillful job of getting across their ideas through their dark stories. 

Hills Like White Elephants

When I'm reading I prefer to be told the thoughts of the characters rather than their conversations. Conversations can be misinterpreted in any situation including in person and over text. "Hills Like White Elephants" wasn't enjoyable in my opinion because I had to decide for myself what they were talking about. When I first read the story I thought the man was one of those people that had taken their religion to an extreme and conviced a group of followers that he had spoken to God himself and that they should all follow him or be sent to Hell. In all the Criminal Minds episodes I've seen where this type of religion was addressed, the guy had multiple young wives. I thought that Jig was one of these wives that he had gotten pregnant on accident. My idea of the topic of their conversaion was a tad extreme. Usually I have no idea what the story is about until we start discussing it during class, but this time I went overboard and completely missed the mark. I was so shocked that the couple was talking about an abortion that I went around talking about it all day. It was so interesting to look back and find the details that led to this conclusion.

How Far She Went

I think that the most interesting character/figure in "How Far She Went" is the dog. When the grandmother left for the cemetery she told the dog to stay and it disobeyed, hopping in the back of the truck, barking until he is let in to the main cab. After they reached their destination the dog whined at her hem, but when she picked him up he wriggled and whined, trying to break free from her, "restless as a child." I thought it was interesting that the dog was compared to a child and was described in the same way as the granddaughter. I'm not sure if it's significant, but the dog was ignored when the grandmother took off to go after the motorcyclists and her granddaughter. This seemed to be the beginning of the grandmother choosing her granddaughter over the dog. The pattern continued when she killed the dog to stop his barking. After the grandmother and granddaughter came out from underneath the dock the grandmother rocked the dog like a baby, or a dead child. I think the dog was a symbol of the grandmother's dead daughter, Sylvie. By killing the dog she finally came to peace with the lack of a relationship she had with her daughter and began a new relationship with her granddaughter.

Interpreter of Maladies

I just got done reading the short story for tonight, "Interpreter of Maladies.” When I first started reading I noticed that the dynamics of the family were a little off, with the husband stuck in a book and the wife shutting herself off completely from her spouse and children. When she finally expressed interest in Mr. Kapasi and his stories about interpreting for a doctor I thought she was actually interested in him, not the stories themselves. I assumed the same thing that Mr. Kapasi did: that they would have some kind of romantic relationship. It was obvious she wasn't happy in her marriage and he felt the same way in his own. I think I was still reading the story as I would a commercial piece of literature, assuming there would be a romantic relationship. It's hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that I won't have answers after reading sometimes and I'll have to think for myself. I have to get used to looking for a deeper meaning and understanding what it is the author wants to get across to the readers. I don't know why Mrs. Das shared her deepest secret with Mr. Kapasi. He was an interpreter, not a therapist that she could go to to work out any deeper issues she may have. It doesn't seem like a coincidence that Bobby was part of her secret and also the child that was attacked thanks to her crumbs. Now that I think back to the location of this series of events, it was kind of mysterious. Maybe a spirit had been listening in on the conversation between Mrs. Das and Mr. Kapasi? That's probably more of a commercial literature explanation. I'll have to work on getting more into the story. 

A Clockwork Orange

I am currently reading a A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess for my outside reading. I chose this novel because I'm really interested in crime shows and scary movies. I find it completely fascinating that someone's brain can work in such a way that they find murder not only acceptable, but also thrilling. Dystopian societies are so much more entertaining than utopian societies where everything has order, structure, and no real excitement. I love knowing I'm not completely safe in this world and that I have to show caution when going into certain situations. Not everything will be easy for me and nowhere near perfect, but I like knowing that, however strange that may seem. If I had everything handed to me on a silver platter and was never challenged I would lead a very boring lifestyle. The boys in my novel do what they want, when they want, and to whom they want. They love beating others to the ground, making them bleed and beg until they have no fight left in their bruised, damaged bodies. When they see a girl they want they rape her for the thrill of the action. The whole novel is brutal. I may say that I like knowing my world isn't perfect, but I wouldn't want to live in theirs. The novel was a good choice for me because I get a little of the thrill without being in any actual danger. 

Summer Reading

This summer I didn't have a lot of free time to do my reading because I worked at a camp in Minnesota for the month of June and then went on a medical mission trip to Ecuador. Somehow I found time to get everything done between trips to the lake and college visits. The two books I decided to read were Atonement by Ian McEwan and Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. I chose Never Let Me Go because I had watched the movie with my mother and was interested in the story line. The book actually made me angry to the point where I can't even explain why I got so worked up. I feel like it's completely wrong to clone people just so they can donate their organs to the lucky members of society who will then live to be over 100 years old. It is seriously disgusting to think that people could ever be so heartless as to force people into dying for them. The book had some similarities with the movie but I appreciated the book a lot more. When I first started reading Atonement I wanted to find another book right away. It wasn't interesting and I didn't think there was any way that a little girl could commit as big of a crime as the back cover led me to believe. It ended up being one of my favorite books I've read for school. The relationship between Cecilia and Robbie was the best part of the book to me, except for when Robbie was at war. I'm really glad summer reading is over because I stayed up all night the night before it was due to get it done. Not fun.